Posts from — February 2006

This from a card my wife gave me a few years ago:

Don’t Kiss Your Honey,
When Your Nose is Runny.
You May Think Its Funny,
But It’s Snot.

HAHA! Ahem. Happy Valentines Day!

Today would have been my mother’s 58th birthday… I say would have been, because she passed away 4 years ago, from a brain hemorrhage while my brother and I were on a plane coming to say our last goodbyes. We never got to say them.

Death is a hard thing.

It’s so completely final… It’s hard to get your head around – the concept that this person is now gone. A mother, a daughter, a wife – gone. One minute they are there – embodying all the memories, thoughts, emotions and love that has filled a lifetime and then a breath later all that slips quietly away.

But, it’s like a pebble tossed into a still pond – the ripples that are created touch the furthest shores of our lives. First there are the immediate effects – all the affairs to put in order, the funeral, all the stuff to go through, a car to sell, an estate to settle… Then when you think you’ve come through the worst of it, the real changes start to sink in.

Holidays are different. Family gatherings in general take on a new equilibrium, as roles and responsibilities are absorbed by those who remain. Traditions change or evolve or even fade away. A recipe for a cake or a pie is gone – or even worse, just not the same. The ingredients are there but something just isn’t right – it’s not the way you remember it. How the heck did she make it taste like that? It’s a little thing, but it’s changed forever.

In fact, a complete history is simply gone – you can’t just pick up the phone and say, “What was the name of my 3rd grade teacher… You know, the one who told me I breathed too loud?” Part of who you are seems less real. The things that you shared with that person become more…hollow…as if the spirit of the memory has died with the person. “Did we rake the leaves first, or was that after we had lunch, I can’t remember…” You’ll never know for sure.

The worst of it is that this slow fading cascades down the generations. Answers to questions about my family – names, people, places – complete happenings and roots that set me up to grow to where I am today, died with my grandmother. And precious memories of my grandmother died with my mother – things that I either never knew, or just didn’t remember when I was told because it didn’t seem important at the time. The ripples reach the furthest shores, but eventually the pond becomes still once again.

And yet for all this lost memory, what hurts the most, I think, is that she never got to meet my daughter. She never got to hold Emily, or see her laugh or had the chance to teach her all the things that she taught me. Yes, it’s the memories that won’t ever happen that hurt the most.

Death is a hard thing indeed.

I don’t believe that I could handle it if I wasn’t a Christian. I live in the comfort that my mother knew the Lord, and that I will see her again.

The Bible makes this very clear. From the simple Psalm 68:20:

Our God is a God who saves;
from the Sovereign LORD comes escape from death.

to the more complete and descriptive passage of 1 Thessalonians 4:15-17

According to the Lord’s own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.

My faith affirms her eternal salvation in Christ Jesus, and that speaks testament to the fact that we will have a family reunion one day.

Some would say that this is simplistic or childish or even worse, that I am full of denial about the finality of death.

I say rubbish – nature has no need of emotional ties or tears, and yet they exist. If people are only a complex mass of carbon and water, then why does their passing hurt so much? I say that it is because people are more than that; they have a soul that goes beyond the physical into the spiritual. And we love the soul, not the flesh.

Fortunately, we are like our Father in that – God loves the soul too, and sent his only Son to redeem it.

Therefore, since the children share in flesh and blood, he likewise shared in their humanity, so that through death he could destroy the one who holds the power of death (that is, the devil), and set free those who were held in slavery all their lives by their fear of death (Hebrews 2:14-15).

Even though my brother and I never made it to my Mom’s side before she passed, being a Christian means that there is no last goodbye – just an extended “See you soon…”

Thank God, because boy, do I miss my Mom.

So, sorry for the lack of “post-age” lately – still recovering from my trip to the UK and Israel. I’ll be back up and posting shortly.

In the mean time, read something that is infinitely better than I could ever write anyway.

I don’t care what you are doing, or what is going on right this minute – you need to read the article linked below.

Don’t complain about how long it is, or say you aren’t interested, or think that it doesn’t matter…

I’m not even saying that you have to agree with it (though I’d really like to see an equally thought out point/counter-point if you don’t), but you have to read it.

Your future, my daughter’s future – they may well depend upon us seeing these truths. Maybe you’ll disagree – but read it, understand it, and think on it. Chew it up – spit it out if you are able – but don’t ignore it.

Most importantly, pass it on – even to people who won’t agree. Even if you don’t agree. A person who can’t listen to a point from “the other side” is a person of weak conviction – and none of us want to be like that.

What the heck am I talking about? This…

Phil from A Soldier’s Diary tagged me, so here goes! Nice shot Phil… Heh..

4 Jobs I Have Held In My Life:
1. Working for my Dad in the restaurant at the golf course in my home town.
2. Network technician, help desk consultant, computer cluster manager and system administrator – ALL AT THE SAME TIME! When I was in school…
3. IT Manager
4. Sales Engineer

4 Places I Have Lived:
1. Old Tappan, NJ
2. West Hartford, CT
3. Waltham then Grafton, MA
4. Simi Valley, CA

4 TV Shows I Love To Watch:
1. Battlestar Galactica (the new one on SciFi)
2. The Sopranos
3. Deadwood
4. Alias

4 Places I Have Been On Vacation:
1. Israel
2. British Virgin Islands
3. Italy
4. UK (Isle of Man, London and Cambridge)

4 Websites I Visit Daily:
1. ArsTechnica
2. Milowerx Animation
3. Jay Adkins
4. A Soldier’s Diary

4 Favorite Foods:
1. Chocolate Chip Cookies
2. Pizza
3. Chicken Burritos from Don Cuco’s or Los Torros
4. Poor Man’s Cake! (If you’ve never heard of this, let me know and I’ll send you the recipe!)

4 Places I Would Rather Be Right Now:
1. Xi’an China to see the Terra Cotta Soldiers
2. Grand Cayman Island
3. Venice or Sienna, Italy
4. Picking up a $300,000,000.00 winning lottery check (after taxes!)

4 People I am tagging:
1. Mikey Milo
2. Leah Rubin-Cadrain
3. Harry McLaughlin
4. Morning Glory