Posts from — March 2006

That is the question…

On a Christian forum recently, a member was having a deep crisis of faith.  At first, he reached out asking for help to restore his faith in God, but a few questions later it was revealed that what was really bothering him was the age old dilemma of premarital sex.  He and his girlfriend, both Christians, were trying to figure out if they were going to take “the next step” in their relationship, and it created the crisis at hand.

“How can God give me such strong desires and then deny me their satisfaction?” - was essentially the question.  They love each other, intend on getting married (though they are not officially engaged) and, of course, are deeply attracted to each other.  What should they do?

Now, something shocked me about this issue.  Not the issue itself, but rather people’s response to it.  I was shocked at the number of people (all Christians) who wrote in and basically said, “Hey, if you love each other, profess that to God and then you are married, so have fun and be safe…”.

I was equally shocked at the number of people who wrote in saying, “It’s a sin, don’t do it.  God said don’t, so don’t.”

What kind of advice is that?  “Hey kid, don’t worry about it!” and “Just don’t!”  One is flat out wrong, and the other is about as helpful as a rock to a drowning man.

Now, I want to start off by saying that you will find no personal judgment from me on how you have chosen to handle this topic in your life. I’m not even making a statement on how I chose to handle this.  My response to this panel was for the benefit of this confused young man and simply reflects truths that I’ve come to understand about God and about relationships.  Some of you may recognize a paragraph or two from a previous article I wrote on sin in general, but this one specifically tackles premarital sex.

Anyway, here is my advice.

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Shotfire, let me tell you something that most people won’t tell you.  By having sex before marriage, you aren’t loosing your salvation, you aren’t going to go to hell – and, in fact, you’ll probably enjoy it.  At first.

See, God doesn’t tell us to NOT do this just to be a killjoy – He has our best interests at heart.  It saddens me that many people think of God as a stodgy bummer that simply has it in for our modern lives. “God just doesn’t want me to have any fun. I can’t have oodles of wild sex with anyone I meet because GOD doesn’t want me to. I can’t lie my way out of any situation because GOD doesn’t want me to. I can’t shove a fork into the eye of the guy that just cut me off on the freeway because GOD doesn’t want me to.” 

It wasn’t until I had a child of my own that I finally started to understand that God doesn’t need us to not do these things. He tells us to not do these things because it would be better for us if we didn’t. Its just like me not letting my daughter play with the sharp knives on the table – I know that she is going to hurt herself by doing it. Is it any different with God?

No, I don’t think you’ll go to Hell for cheating on your taxes, but you might go to jail.  The same is true with premarital sex – the world won’t blow up, and you won’t loose your salvation, but you may regret it forever.

Unless you actually DO go ahead and marry this girl, you will regret this decision for the rest of your life.  If you think you will end up married, go ahead and marry her now.  Why wait?  If there are reasons enough to wait for marriage, there are reasons enough to wait for sex.

God designed sex as both a spiritual and physical thing – when you have sex with someone, you give them a piece of yourself – no pun intended.  This is true in the physical as well as in the psychological and spiritual sense.  You will give a piece of your soul to this person, as she will to you.  For a time, you BECOME ONE.

Now, say you DON’T end up married for any number of reasons; you will never be whole again.  You’ve become one with another person, and separating tears you apart – part of you goes with her, and part of her comes with you.  Now, when you meet the RIGHT woman, you won’t be able to give yourself to her completely, and neither will your current girlfriend.  Pre-marital sex practically GUARANTEES that you will be holding something back from your eventual spouse.

And, then what is to stop you from doing this again, if you two break up?  Now, you’ve already HAD sex, so what’s the big deal?  You’ll then have sex with your next girlfriend, and so on, eventually leaving pieces of your heart scattered around as if it wasn’t the most precious thing you had to give…

Would you like a spouse that is hiding a past from you?  Do you really want her to NOT hide it from you?  Would you like a spouse comparing you to other lovers she’s had?  How would you like to be comparing your spouse to previous lovers?

God didn’t intend us to have this knowledge, not for HIS sake, but for ours.

I know that the desire for sex can be almost unbearable at times – trust me, I’ve been there.  But this is a pain that WILL go away, at its proper time.  If you make a poor choice now, you’ll have a pain that will never go away.  Which would you prefer?

Is it easy?  Hell no, but neither is risking your future.

—————————————–

What did this young man decide to do?  I think for now he may have decided to wait.  He responded with:

Wow. Thank you so much Milo. You really got me thinking. I now have a different outlook on this. Thank you so much. You may of just saved someonethere [sic] life.

I wish him the best of luck with his choice, as both options can be very tough.  A quick word - no, I didn’t forget about all the other “practical” reasons for waiting: unwanted pregnancy, disease, etc.  I figure those are a given, whereas the spiritual aspect may not be as clear.  From the response of many on that board, I have to make that assumption.  This is too serious for a “don’t worry about it” attitude, I don’t even want to touch on the “you are married in God’s eyes” deal, and “Just don’t” simply doesn’t help.  If it did, there wouldn’t be the dilemma in the first place.

Anyway, I do know that these people meant well, so I can’t be too upset with them.  Well, maybe I’ll touch on the “married in God’s eyes” issue in a later post… 

What if I didn’t Wait?

Now for the next hard question – what if one doesn’t wait until marriage, what then?

Some of you may be out there thinking, “Hey, I didn’t wait, and it isn’t so bad…” and others may be dealing with the issues that I raised in my advice to Shotfire.  They may seem to be mutually exclusive outcomes, but really they aren’t.

Some people won’t be affected by this as much as others – but that is a crap shoot at best.  You may not be, but what about your future spouse?  If you are married and haven’t found this to be an issue, praise God for his grace in both of your lives!  He can heal all wounds, and this is no exception.

BUT, He won’t necessarily shelter us from the consequences of our choices.  To those of you who are struggling with these pains, I would say this – have faith in God’s goodness.  He is in the business of taking the worst things that can happen and working them for the good – and this is far from “the worst” thing that can happen.  Trust in His love for you, accept His Peace that truly does transcend all understanding, and then ask for grace, healing and His will to be done in your life.

Why ask for His will, rather than just straight healing?  That’s a whole other topic for another time, but for now I’ll say that while submitting to His Will doesn’t guarantee a bump-free ride, I can promise you that the final destination will be much better than had you decided to drive yourself.  He may yet be using these struggles to prepare you for His divine purpose – maybe to strengthen you for other inevitable struggles, or simply to build in you character and wisdom that will one day play a pivotal role in someone else’s life.

At the end of the day, His choices are much better than ours – as is evidenced by the fact that He warned us to not do this in the first place – so, let’s acknowledge that in our prayers.  Even Jesus prayed this way – “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39)

Anyway, I hope that this helps someone.  I know a lot of it is counter-culture, even for many Christians.

Hey folks,

Sorry for the lapse there – been travelling a bunch and am just starting to get caught up with things!

Saw Kevin James when I was in Vegas – you know, the guy from The King of Queens?  Man, was he funny…  I’d love to tell you all the jokes, but as is typical of me coming out of a show like that, I can’t remember a darn thing that he said.  All I know is that I laughed my tush off for nearly 2 hours…  If you ever have the opportunity to see him, I’d highly recommend it.

I also learned that Rita Rudner is closing her show – she’s been performing at the NY, NY for some time now.  I’ve never particularly been a big fan, but now feel like I should see it before it closes.  Highly unlikely, but still…

Also, I finally got to take a trip out to the Hoover Dam, which was a real treat.  I’ll be posting some pictures shortly.  A truly amazing structure!

well, I’m back in Las Vegas again – I know, poor me, right? Hey, believe it or not, it can get old, really quick… This is my second week here this year already.

Anyway, I’m exhibiting at IBM PartnerWorld, a tradeshow for IBM employees, partners and customers to (and I quote) “Innovate – Collaborate – Grow”. Hopefully I’ll be posting some info from the show floor soon – lots of neat products and technology to talk about – but there’s 6500 people here, and talking to them all takes a long time!
For now, if you missed it, sneak a peek at my take on Vegas. I’ll try to come up with a few more, as it will keep me away from the nasty man at the blackjack table. And the craps table, and the poker table, and the…

Well, anyway, you get the idea.

…don’t try this at home!   A classic…

—

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

“Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it– stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt.” “That’s when I made my big mistake.” “What did you do?” asks the doctor.

“Well, I lifted the cow’s tail again and yelled to my wife, “Hey, this looks like yours!” “I don’t remember much after that!”

Here are a few pics of the family from a series taken last weekend…

My lovely wife…

The whole gang…

The Next Generation…

God’s Word, if spoken, never returns void. That’s why using scripture during prayer time can be very powerful. Here’s a few scriptures that may help focus your next session

Happiness – Contentment – Peace

Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for fear of the Lord. There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.
Prvb 23:17-18

Keep your lives free from the love of money, and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
Heb13:5

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Phil 4:7

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Prvb 17:22

Wealth/Prosperity

Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way, they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly Life.
1 Tim 6:17-19

But remember the Lord your God, for it is He that gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your forefathers, as it is today.
Deut. 8:18

Whoever loves money never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. This too is meaningless.
Ecc 5:10

And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.
Col 1:10

Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.
Psalm 127:1

All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.
Prvb 14:23

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.
Phil 4:12,13

And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
Phil 4:19

Success

What you decide on will be done, and light will shine on your ways.
Job 22:28

Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work – this is a gift from God.
Ecc 5:19

Wealth and riches are in his house, and his wealth endures forever.
Psalm 112:3

Humility and fear in the Lord bring wealth and honor and life.
Prvb 22:4

Courage/Strength

“Don’t be afraid,” the prophet answered. “Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.”
2 Kings 6:16

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Isaiah 40:29

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.
Psalm 31:24

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9

Comfort

The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him.
Nahum 1:7

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.
Psalm 55:22

Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and He will say: “Here am I.”
Isaiah 58:9

Healthy Marriage

A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
1 Corinth. 7:3

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
Prvb 5:18

Health and Long Life

Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning.
Job 11:17

Since my youth, O God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds. Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come.
Pslm 71:17,18

Walk in all the way that the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live and prosper and prolong your days in the land that you will possess.
Deut. 5:33

“With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.”
Psalm 91:16

For through Me your days will be many, and years will be added to your life.
Prvb 9:11

Faith

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
James 1:5,6

But as for you, continue in what you have learned and become convinced of, because you know those from whom you have learned it, and how from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.
2 Tim 3:14,15

We live by faith, not by sight.
2 Cor 5:7

“Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. “I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.”
Mark 11:22,23

Patience

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Gal 6:9

We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.
Hebrews 6:12

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4

Release from Fear and Worry

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear; I will help you.”
Isaiah 41:13

“But whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm.”
Prvb 1:33

Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared.
Prvbs 3:25,26

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
2 Tim 1:7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Phil 4:6,7

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “You are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her.”
Luke 10:41,42

Guidance

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”
Isaiah 30:21

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.
Prvb 16:9

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Prvb 3:6

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.
Isaiah 42:16

Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward will take me into glory.
Pslm 73:23,24

…can’t hurt them.

While everyone seems to be discussing civil liberties and bemoaning their slow erosion, apparently only 28% of us can actually name more than 1 of the 5 freedoms granted by the first amendment.  And, only 1 in 1000 could name all 5.

Just another example of people bitching about things that they know nothing about.

There is good news though -  22% of us can name all 5 family members from “The Simpsons”. Oh, yeah, and I saved a lot of money on car insurance by switching to Geico.

Can you name them?  The freedoms – not the Simpsons.

To remember them, just think of “RASPR the Friendly Freedom Ghost”.  I know, corny, but it works.

1. Religion
2. Assembly
3. Speech
4. Press
5. Redress 

Honestly though, I have some SERIOUS concerns about the quality of this poll.  The biggest tip off that the McCormick Tribune Freedom Museum’s research is somewhat shoddy is that they really think that there are only FIVE Simpsons. Shoddy research indeed.  I tell you, I think there are grounds for alleging ageism.

For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, here’s the FULL list of living Simpsons – in age order, I might add.

1. Abraham Simpson, AKA “Grampa” Simpson
2. Homer
3. Marge
4. Bart
5. Lisa
6. Maggie

Anyway, you can read more of this SERIOUSLY flawed survey here.

Hat tip to Morning Glory for the info on the survey.